Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
