dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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