This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
