Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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