I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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