hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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