I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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