I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
