do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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