Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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