If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
