I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pants are for mortals
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
