She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
