i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize