whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
