At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
