Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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