i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
