life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
