Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize