Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
