Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
