Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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