we have officially lost it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
