Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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