Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
