i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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