trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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