sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
