So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize