I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
