I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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