I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
