i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize