hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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