I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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