Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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