Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
