There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need moral support for this bender
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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