god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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