Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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