shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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