You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish i was in the wii world.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
