i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
