Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
