we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize