you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
