after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
