Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
