new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
