im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
