it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
