I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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