sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
