If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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