honey bunches of taint.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
