she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
