I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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