I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
