what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
