I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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