I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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