i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
