We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I checked into jail on foursquare
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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