I wish I could teleport
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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