I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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