idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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