He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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