Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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