jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
